Something special today!

And today dance was on this song...just for 5 mins but we danced...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ncKzWyp4DIM

Dear Son, I Don't Want You To Be My Budhape Ki Lathi

Blog Post by Gita Negi

My son is too young to even understand the promises I have made in my heart to him.But I have still gone ahead and decided on a few things lest I forget when the time actually comes to put these vows to use.

The first time I read Khalil Gibran's The Prophet, I went wow.But these lines just stole my heart away :

" Your children are not your children.They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you"

At that time I was not a mother but just a daughter and I understood these lines from a child's point of view.Almost everyone, during their growing up days has had a conflict of opinion with their parents and there is almost always a feeling that our parents do not understand us.

And now that I read these lines again as a parent, a new truth has been unveiled to me.My son is a person in his own rights.And therefore there are some things that I have decided in the hearts of my hearts to do.

To begin with, I have promised myself that I would not obsess over making him something or someone.But be right beside him in the journey of becoming whatever he wants to.I shall not take away his right to dream his own dreams .And one day when he finally becomes what he is destined to be, I shall not fall over to take away the credit or even expect him to call me his motivation, support or other fancy things.In my eyes that just defeats the purpose of loving someone unconditionally.

Most importantly, I would have a life of my own.People can go ahead and call me selfish and other mean names.But being someone apart from being a mother simply means that I would not grow old to become a nagging old woman who cannot help breathing down her child's neck only because she has nothing to do.Moreover it also means that maintaining my individuality would only help my son discover his own.It really saddens me to see women who spend all their lives raising their children and lose themselves over the years only to end up feeling lonely, unloved and betrayed once the children have flown.Only if they had had a life apart from the children, they would have dealt with the reality of empty nest much more effectively.

In my mental list of promises, one thing which stands prominently marked in capital letter and in bold font is that I shall never ever expect my son to pay me off for the sacrifices and compromises I make for him now, when he grows up.He is not my insurance policy or a retirement plan.He is a person with a mind and heart of his own.The only thing I can do is love , guide and raise him.It would be truly unfair on my part if I do all of these in the hope that one day he shall pay me off .In fact I would be terribly happy if he takes care and loves his old mama then, simply because he wants to.He is definitely not obliged to do it.He is not indebted to me.He owes me nothing.Not even for giving him birth.Bringing him in this life was my decision and desire, and it was no favor on him.It should not be for any child.When my son was just born, somebody told me that by doing a certain thing I could ensure that my son would always keep coming home, once he grew up.I said if he would love me, he would always come.There is nothing else that I need.

Even though there is still a lot of time before this happens but I have firmly decided that I shall not envy and compete with the woman in his life .I shall put an end to this age old game of passing the buck. Whatever has been my situation or whatever experiences I have had, I shall never pass it on the poor girl just because I sailed the same boat once.I shall not give away my frustrations, anger,beliefs and dead rituals to an unsuspecting soul just because i have been through them.I shall definitely not derive any sadistic pleasure out of troubling another woman's daughter just because i have a son. 

So there it is, all the things that matter to me as a person and as a mother. I truly wish that my son grows up to find his true self without the burden of my expectations but under the sunshine of my guidance and that I keep the promises that i have made to him.

Link - http://www.mycity4kids.com/parenting/i-experience-therefore-i-am/article/dear-son-i-don-t-want-you-to-be-my-budhape-ki-lathi

Phir wahi talash

Finally after a long search, I found my fav tv serial in youtube

"Phir wahi talash"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7-R0eKRrE8

Kahin Hadson ki dagar milen.. Kahin muskilon ka safar milen.. Ye chirag hai meri rah ke, Mujhe manjilon ki TALAASH hai!! Hai koi safar me jo saath de.. Mai ruku jahan koi haath de… Meri Manzilen abhi door hai, Mujhe raaston ki TALAASH hai!!” Main udaas raasta hoon shaamka, Teri aahaton ki TALAASH hai Yeh sitare sab hain bujhe bujhe, Mujhe Jugnuon ki TALAASH hai. Woh jo ek dariya tha aag ka, Sabhi raaston se guzar gaya Hamhain kab se ret ke sheher mein, nayi baarishon ki TALAASH hai… Meri Manzilen abhi door hai, Mujhe raaston ki TALAASH hai!

My Sun

It is "you"
I have seen beyond black sky
draping me in the light of stars
I have stood there
thinking of Kohl in my eyes
and its darkness
and then of stars... ....
and of "you"
How day has finally mimicked you,
and in the first ray of sun... ...
you held me in colors....
My Life now shines..
in the light of thousand suns

 

Inspiration

From Humans Of New York!! "I had a child when I was sixteen. I got kicked out of high school because of all the absences. My family and community pretty much wrote me off. But right away I got a job at a sporting goods store. Soon I was able to get a job as a receptionist at a tax company, and they gave me enough responsibilities that I learned how to do taxes. Eventually I learned enough to become an associate. Then I got offered a job at a smaller company, and even though it was a pay cut, they offered me responsibility over all the books-- accounts payable, accounts receivable, everything. It was less money but I wanted that experience so I took the risk. And I'm so glad I did, because six months later, the controller of that company left and I was given that position. They told me they couldn't officially call me the controller because I didn't have a college degree. So I finished my degree 5 months ago-- just to make it official! So after having a child at sixteen, I made it all the way to controller of a company, without even having a college degree. Can you believe that? Honestly, I've been waiting to tell that story so long that I told it to a customer service representative on the phone last week. She was nice about it and pretended to care." Link is here

Laminated Love

Got to see the pic in Outlook Photogallery It was written - Women mourn the death of Sonu, a female stray dog who according to the residents was living in their neighbourhood for the last 18 years, as they conduct her funeral in Ahmedabad. According to the residents, Sonu has been guarding the neighbourhood round the clock and was a favourite of everyone.

Can I ever cry on death of stray dog? My moribund feelings sometime take a step backward and want to watch show. I guess if I am there I would be surprised to see why and what they all are doing this? It looks to me a sort of comedy rather than a serious death to ponder on. May be I have never experienced death of dog or may be we Indians are so occupied in emotions of laminated love rather than going deep. Whatever....Dil toh hai Hindustani!

Aww moment

Remember the last scene of "Shall we Dance", where Richard Gere goes to meet Susan Sarandon with a rose and all her friends envy her and tease her for him. That shy look with a grace...that was a complete awww moment for me. So, that day...Himanshu came to my office without informing me that he would be coming in afternoon. I had forgotten my lunch-box at home and told him to come during break to give it to me. There he was, in black long coat with grey knitted high neck sweater, black formal shoes and grey trousers with flower bouquet in his hands. He was just eye-catchy at that moment and I was like...wow!! I imagined him how he would have gone to "Market Basket", picked the flowers for me and then how he would have waited in queue to pay for it. I imagined how those four ladies gave him the way to pay first and what those ladies must have said to him when they would have seen - a charming boy buying flowers in afternoon, waiting eagerly to pay - "you must be in a hurry", I guess giggling, covering their mouth to control it. These thoughts give me an awww moment. He came, gifted me the flowers which are still blooming in my office cube (it has more than a week). We went for lunch and it was all so romantic. Who told we are too old for cheesy moments like this? We have just crossed thirties, on the way to cross childhood and just stepped into teenage of old age.

PS: Printing the memory. Picture is from google and I couldn't find a way to upload the real pic. I am still waiting for my mobile and don't have camera in the office.